I still remember teaching and seeing that I missed a call at 10:30 AM.  I had a co-teacher so I ran out of the room and called the hospital back.  It was 10:35 AM and I found out that I had Invasive Ductal Breast Cancer.  I was 32 years old and married with a son that was 2 years old.  I was living in VT at the time and we had to move back to my husband's hometown in KY.  I had two tumors in my left breast.  My mom died of breast cancer when I was 10 so I was given the most aggressive treatment and went with a bilateral mastectomy in hopes of decreasing the chances of reoccurrence.  For the next two years I was knee deep in treatment and surgeries.  The last major surgery was in May of 2017.  I have a detailed recount of this time in my blog.  The last entry was 12/29/2016.  I may begin writing in it again, but I'm not sure.  

I became numb as I went through treatment.  The rest of the world continues and goes on as if everything is normal, but I numb as a way of getting through.  Then at my last reconstruction surgery in May of 2017 I got dropped back into normalcy except for some follow up meds & the occasional doctor appointment for the next ten years.  At that point I was left trying to figure out what I just went through and how I will ever come back to myself.  Luckily in the summer of 2016 I found out about another organization that helped me begin connecting with nature.  The healing power of the outdoors is immense and since then I have tried to find ways to stay outside as much as possible.  In August 2017 my family moved to MN as a way of regaining our lives.  In the spring of 2018 we bought bikes for the first time since we were teenagers.  We spent all summer outside determined to help me reconnect with myself.  The only thing that keeps the numbness, the fears, and the anxiety away is staying grounded.  Nothing is more grounding that nature and nothing makes the aforementioned feelings run away like the wonder and awe you feel when outdoors.  I can never go back to the day before I was diagnosed; however, I do my darndest to try to move forward and not live in the fears and anxiety that plague the back of my mind daily.  

I found this organization and I am currently at a place emotionally where I think I can give of myself.  When you are diagnosed with cancer you become part of the worse kind of club; I want to help members of this club feel grounded instead of numb. Thank you for visiting and reading my story.